Archive for December, 2006
As the NFL’s regular season wraps up this weekend it brings upon one of the most annoying traditions in sports, arguing over who deserves to be the MVP. At the end of every season fans, columnists and talk show hosts yell and scream about what defines a MVP; numbers or importance. Which is it? The argument itself is painful to endure and yet I just spent the better part of a day screaming about why Drew Brees’ impact on the Saints (and my fantasy team) is more valuable than all the touchdowns that LaDanian Tomlinson scored (not on my team – dammit!). That argument is fun because both stories are great and both teams have a shot at playing in Miami this February. That argument is interesting but not even close to compelling as who wins Defensive MVP. Jason Taylor vs. Shawne Merriman – who’s it going to be America. The guy with the insane numbers in fewer games, but also happened to be suspended for using steroids or the guy with similar numbers on the crappier team who isn’t using steroids. How should the writers vote? Because of Merriman’s suspension the voters are in the position of looking like hypocrites if hey select him the winner because these are the same people who are bashing Mark McGwire and trying to deny him the Hall of Fame.
JT’s numbers are just as sick as Merriman’s and we know that he didn’t cheat to obtain them. Sure the Dolphins suck and can’t score points but that’s not JT’s fault. Hell, he basically won the Bears game all by himself. JT was right when he called out the voters on Wednesday. We can’t be rewarding athletes for cheating. JT wasn’t necessarily endorsing himself, which I’m sure many will look at, but instead he was trying to get a message across to all the jackals out there who have been leading the steroid witch hunt for years. At least in McGwire’s case he wasn’t actually cheating at the time because the rules didn’t exist, but in the NFL they do. These players have been told since rookie camp what substances are good and what aren’t and that if they have any questions to ask a doctor. Therefore I find it ridiculous when athletes act like they don’t know how a steroid got into their body. YOU took the pill, powder or needle, so don’t give me this crap about how you would never put drugs in your body and yada yada yada. Don’t insult my intelligence by lying to me; it just makes you look weak gives me a freakin’ headache.
Do you think that the voters are going to award Shawne Merriman or give it to JT? Do you agree with me that the voters need to set a precedent that athletes caught using steroids won’t be rewarded? Cheaters aren’t supposed to go home and nail the Prom Queen. Why is there such little coverage over Merriman’s steroid abuse? Is it because he’s in bed with ESPN or perhaps because despite his on field achievements he’s just not a big enough name? Could you imagine this story getting such little coverage if it was T.O, Chad Johnson or even Peyton Manning? I always wondered what the media coverage would be like if Peyton Manning went through a Brett Favre like episode with pain killers and moonshine. I can already picture a sloshed Manning rambling about how he wants to make out with Erin Andrews at the Pro Bowl. Erin Andrews, now that’s ESPN-licious. As my boy K-Rog would say, she’s niiiiiicccccce.
Everyone have a safe and happy New Year’s Eve and watch out for All-Stars urinating on South Beach.
December 28th, 2006
That’s the impression that I came away with following Wednesday night’s release of “Rocky Balboa”, the sixth and hopefully final film in the Rocky franchise. As in every typical Rocky film the plot is a bit far fetched and unbelievable but if it made sense then it wouldn’t be a Stallone film. A video game version of Rocky defeats a video game version of Antonio Tarver (Mason “The Line” Dixon) so a desperate promoter looking to make a buck decides that he should try and set up the fight for real as an exhibition. What ensues over the course of the 102 minute film is a beautiful balance of both intentional and unintentional comedy (which has been a staple of the franchise) followed by the best done boxing sequence ever captured on film.
In “Rocky Balboa”, Stallone’s portrayal as the protagonist is both reflective of his current status amongst Hollywood but also a complex and introspective look into a character that has basically been a reflection of his own persona. Rocky is stricken with immense grief since the untimely passing of his beret wearing wife Adrian. She apparently died of what Rocky calls “the woman cancer” several years ago. Not sure if it was breast or ovary cancer but since Rocko isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed I’ll assume that he thinks it was prostate cancer. Grief is an emotion that everyone has experienced and can be used a powerful tool that can connect the audience to the characters, but unfortunately in “Rocky Balboa” that attempt fell short and ended up comical. Rocky, Rocky Jr. and Pauly have all been dealing with their guilt and suffering of Adrian’s death in their own way, but when they try to express themselves they come across as cheesy and fake. Stallone gives a laugh out loud speech to Pauly about why he needs to fight because he still has all this fight left in “the basement” (or his heart). This should had been a powerful scene that pulls you in and gives shivers down your spine, instead I was rolling in my seat at the sight of a botox abuser trying to force tears throw eyelids that have no fluid left. I was waiting the entire movie for that speech that gets you choked up just like when Rocky told Adrian that he was afraid in “Rocky III” or Adrian’s coma-ridden speech of “Win”. I waited and waited but Stallone could never deliver that knockout speech – although he did try with his whole “the world ain’t sunshines and rainbows” to Rocky Jr. except the problem was I couldn’t take my eyes off of his softball sized adam’s apple that keep jolting around in his neck during the scene. The only scene in the movie that gave me goosebumps was when he started training again but I think that was more because of the theme song playing in the background.
The saving grace of the film was Burt Young’s dynamic portrayal of Pauly. Throughout the first five films Pauly was a destructive force in Rocky’s life that caused Adrian to go into a coma and squandered all their money. Despite his whiny, lazy, why not me attitude Pauly has always excelled as a comedic device by dropping subtle sarcastic one-liners such as the classic line in “Rocky III” when asked if Balboa can swim and Pauly non-chalantly dropped the line of “with a name like Rock.”
In “Rocky Balboa”, Pauly’s star shined bright with lines such as “nothing special about Italian food cooked by Mexicans” and “Ice is stupid. People standing on Ice is more stupid.” The guy is just a goldmine of untapped bitter comedy. Hopefully they can create a Pauly spin-off where he becomes a struggling stand up comic.
Now that I can pat myself on the back for a praising at least one aspect of the film I can go back to ripping the absurdities of it, most notably Rocky Balboa being a SEXUAL PREDATOR. No he didn’t rape anyone, but after re-watching the first 5 films before seeing “Rocky Balboa” I noticed a dark trend which was Rocky’s pushy nature with women. He harassed Adrian into dating him and then forced her to join him in his apartment for some after hours loving. In this film the widower Balboa is trying to subtle seduce Lil’ Maria from the original film. Considering that she was like 12 and he was 30 in the first film, this came across as very creepy in the Michael Douglas-Catherine Zeta Jones sort of way. These scenes were all very awkward because although Rocky seemed genuine in his friendship there was something very eerie and disturbing about their interaction especially him showing more attention to her son than his own. Am I the only one who noticed this and what are the chances on seeing a stumbling Balboa walking into a house only to find Chris Hansen and a camera crew waiting? Trust me this is bound to happen.
Another peeve I had with the film was the press conference that set up the Dixon/Balboa match up. Apparently Dana Jacobson from ESPN’s Cold Pizza was the only person allowed to ask questions. I mean we’re at a freakin’ boxing press conference and I can’t get a question posed by the great Bert Sugar! Dana Jacobson had no business being in this movie – it’s not like she’s hot or anything unless you’re in to girls with an ass the size of an Escalade a la Rachel Nichols. I do want to applaud the ETard who yelled SUEY at Skip Bayless when he had a cameo discussing the virtual fight. That was classic.
A few other questions about the movie…did Rocky get paid for the fight against Dixon? He boxed Drago for free and since this was an exhibition does that mean he didn’t get paid? He’s supporting an unemployed Pauly and Rocky Jr, so I hope that he got a cut of the action because it didn’t appear that his restaurant called Adrian’s (YAWN) was making any profit. In case you were wondering what ever happened to the freeze frame portrait of Rocky & Apollo from the end of Rocky III well you can put yourself at ease knowing that it’s hanging on the trophy wall at the restaurant. Speaking of portraits when the fuck did Pauly become a painter. No wonder he got fired from the slaughter house, the guy spent all day painting with pastels on an oil canvas.
In conclusion “Rocky Balboa” turned out to be slightly less than what I expected. It wasn’t awful and was just as cheesy as all the other films, but lacked that one scene that I’ll always be thinking about when someone mentions this film. No hugging in the water, no chasing chickens, no punching mirrors, just a bunch of slowly developing scenes that ultimately culminated in a fantastic boxing match. Will the film be nominated for any academy awards? Yeah that would be an emphatic HELL NO unless we can find a way to get Pauly (Burt Young) a nomination for best comedic performance. Will it be remembered as an embarrassment to the franchise? No, that distinction will always be held by Rocky V. So as we close the book on the greatest underdog story of all time we can confidently say that the story of Rocky ended with honor and pride. Now the only question is whether or not Stallone can end his career with the same standing ovation. We’ll just have to wait until “Rambo IV: Pearl of the Cobra” which hits theaters in 2008.
December 21st, 2006
As 2006 comes to an end, I think back fondly of some memorable moments on the Dan LeBatard Show this year. Certainly near the top of the list would be all the professional wrestlers that have been on the show. Hulk Hogan was asked by Dan about exchanging gay sex for match results… and got a bit ticked off at the host. George “the animal” Steele was asked the same question, and answered it by explaining he believes in Jesus and gay sex would not be part of his lifestyle. Nikolai Volkoff answered the question by saying he had never heard of that happening. Iron Sheik came on the air and was incoherent. Then he cursed- in a really vulgar way. He’s now our favorite guest. And the biggest wrestling star of them all came on with us this year… The Rock. And Dan was too much of a pussy to ask him the gay sex question.
We had on a ton of basketball related guests during the Miami Heat NBA Chamionship run. Shawn Kemp came on and got pissed when Dan asked him how many kids he had. Detlef Schrempf came on and got pissed when he realized we only had him on to find out if all Germans were David Hasselhoff fans. (Apparently, he thought he was going to talk about basketball.) Hubie Brown came on and was so annoying he deserved to be sueyed. (I, the controller of the suey, was too busy basking in the glow of Hubie’s knowledge to notice he needed a suey, so I didn’t suey him. And I have been roundly criticized about that ever since.) So to you, Hubie Brown: SUEY.
We had a number of rappers appear on the show this year. Local favorites Trick Daddy and Uncle Luke appear regularly. But we were also joined this year by Ice Cube, Young MC, Chuck D, and even Vanilla Ice. Both Young MC and Chuck D mentioned they were fans of Dan’s work on ESPN. Makes you lose a little respect for them, no?
We also had a number of “A List” stars on the show this year. The biggest “celebrity” that came on this year I think would be Will Ferrell. He was funny and entertaining, and also a bit subdued. As far as athlete celebrities, I would say the biggest we had this year would have to be Dwyane Wade, right? Even though he’s local (and even did a bi-weekly show with us) he was still Sports Illustrated’s Sportsman of the Year winner. It doesn’t get any bigger than that. I guess I would be remiss if I didn’t mention Chuck Norris also. He actually came on the show twice. He was quite the “A Lister” back in his day. Now that I think about it, we also had Gabe Kaplan (Mr. Kotter) on, and back in the 70’s he was definitely an “A List” star.
I’ve been trying to think if there was one guest this year that I would place above all others as the top guest of the year. There’s not one that immediately comes to mind for me. Whenever I talk to listeners, everyone seems to have a different moment that they pick as their favorite. There’s no real consensus. I can’t think of an interview that completely amazed me this year… but I do have a list of three people that I think are the most consistently entertaining REGULAR guests on the show: Max Kellerman, Michael Irvin, and Bob Ryan. Those three guests ALWAYS bring it strong and ALWAYS entertain me.
I’m always interested to find out what guests you do or don’t like to hear. What can we do to improve in 2007? Do you like Greg Cote? Fake Howard? Steve Kerr? Have you had enough of Michael Wilbon? Peter King? Oresets Destrade? Let me know right here on this blog.
December 18th, 2006
We’re taking a group of listeners to see Rocky VI, which is actually called “Rocky Balboa.” That’s right; we’re going to gather up a group of listeners in the old family truckster and head out to the Muvico Paradise in Pembroke Pines and watch Rocky VI together. We figure the movie is going to be terrible, so the best way to make it a fun night out would be to watch it in the company of a bunch of LeBatard Show listeners. That way we can all “suey” the movie together.
I’m a little bit torn about my feelings for the sixth installment of the Rocky series. The first Rocky remains one of the best movies I’ve ever seen. I’m 37 years old, so people in my age group will understand what I’m talking about. Rocky was one of those movies that changed you when you were growing up. And then came Rocky II, which was almost just as good. The double knockout at the end? Inspired!
Then came Rocky III… not nearly as good as the first two, but still enjoyable. Mr. T was introduced as Clubber Lang and he made for a great movie bad guy. I still remember him taunting Rocky’s wife Adrian. He wanted to show Adrian what a “real man” was like. Gotta fear Clubber Lang. Then Rocky IV, which I remember thinking was completely dreadful when I first saw it, but I think it’s grown on me. Dolph Lundgren played Ivan Drago, who happened to be another great movie bad guy. (We recently had Lundgren on the show and he was a really good guest. You can hear the entire interview in the archives section of the www.790theticket.com web page.)
Rocky V was unspeakably bad. I can’t think of one thing that was decent about the movie. Not Tommy Morrison. Not the guy who played the Don King character. Not Stallone’s son. Nothing. Rocky V was dreadful. And now comes Rocky VI, or Rocky Balboa. At first I was disappointed that Stallone would go to the well with the character once again. I mean he’s 60 years old already. A little too old to step back in the ring, no? But as we get closer and closer to the release date of Rocky VI, I actually find myself a little excited to find out what’s been going on in Rocky’s life. I just watched a movie trailer that someone posted on our Myspace page, (www.myspace.com/danlebatardshow) and it sucked me in a little bit.
It’s Rocky and Paulie standing on an empty lot where the skating rink that Rocky took Adrian on their first date used to be. Based on the dialouge, it seems that Adrian has died. And that left me weeping at my keyboard.
So, the movie opens Wednesday, December 20 and we’re going to take a group of listeners to see the movie that night. We’ve already purchased all the seats in the theatre, so everyone in there will be friends of the show. You can win tickets listening to the show and spinning the Fake Ass Wheel… and we’re also going to be inviting some listeners who we think deserve to be there based on the strength of their e-mails and phone calls to the show. If you think you deserve to be invited to our Rocky Balboa screening, you can e-mail me at cantstanddan@790theticket.com and explain why you think you should go.
I don’t want to ruin the movie for anyone, but I understand there’s a scene (no joke) where Rocky fights Apollo Creed in heaven. Suey.
Click here for details on how you can go to the Rocky Balboa screening with The Dan LeBatard Show
December 11th, 2006
It’s very difficult to write a blog supporting Rex Grossman as the quarterback that will lead the Chicago Bears to the Superbowl when he’s coming off a performance where he had six completions for 34 yards, with no touchdowns and three interceptions. But that’s exactly what I’m going to do. I still believe in Rex Grossman. I will continue to believe in Rex Grossman. I will cheer for Rex Grossman when he’s holding the Superbowl trophy.
Don’t think this is some blind allegiance to a Florida Gator. I’m not a Gator; I’m a graduate of the University of Miami, so his college affiliation does not come into play. All I can tell you is this: I’m a Chicago Bears fan, and I root for the Bears every year, no matter how good or bad they are. Rex Grossman has completely changed the Bears offense this year. (I know. Again, my timing on writing a defense of Rex is not perfect. He’s coming off one of the worst games a professional quarterback could have.) Rex throws the ball downfield. I’ve been waiting a long time for a Bears quarterback to do that. I’ve sat through Kordell Stewart, Jonathon Quinn, Kyle Orton, Chris Chandler, Shane Matthews, and Henry Burris just to name a few. The Bears offense has been stagnant for years. That changed this year with Rex.
I’m in agreement that Rex has put up some stinkers lately. But that doesn’t make me forget his winning drive in the 4th quarter against Minnesota the first time they played. It doesn’t make me forget the 41 points he put up in the FIRST HALF against San Francisco. (He played so well that game that he didn’t even play the fourth quater.) It doesn’t make me forget that he led the team to victory on the road two consecutive weeks against the Giants and the Jets. Rex has been fun to watch this season, and the thought of benching a quarterback that has put up a 10-2 record is beyond ridiculous.
The Bears are 10-2. They’re tied for the best record in the NFL. And all people can talk about is “what’s wrong with Rex?!” Absurd. They are 10-2. They have clinched their division after only 12 games. Sitting on the bench are Brian Griese and Kyle Orton. And that’s exactly where they belong: on the bench. I watched Kyle Orton last year… and yes, he led the Bears to eight consecutive victories. And he stunk. I could have farted the ball for more yards and touchdowns each game. And I’ve seen Brian Griese play in Denver, Tampa, and Miami. I’ve seen all I need to see from him. He’s an excellent quarterback to have as a backup.
This is Rex Grossman’s team. Sure, he’ll make some mistakes. He’ll put up some stinkers. He’ll throw some interceptions… but he’s also going to lead this team to the Superbowl. I saw him play brilliantly at the beginning of the season. And I’m certain he’s going to play better the rest of the season. So forget the rotten games against Arizona, Miami, and Minnesota.
As I come to the end of this blog, I realize that I have no appropriate ending. He’s coming off a game where he passed for 34 yards and threw three interceptions. He’s really stunk lately. But I’m getting off point. I believe in Rex! Rex will lead the Bears! Rex is the right choice! (Please, Rex, have a great game Monday night against St. Louis. Help me out here.)
December 4th, 2006
