Archive for January, 2007
If you listen to our show from 4-7pm each day, you’ll keep hearing Dan LeBatard and Stugotz talk about how miserable they are on Superbowl’s Radio Row. They’ll tell you how it’s the lowest rung of show business. They’ll tell you how profoundly sad they feel broadcasting there. THEY ARE WRONG. COMPLETELY WRONG.
Radio row is fun… It’s a diversion from the everyday monotony of the studio. Call me weird, but I feel “alive” on radio row. There’s a buzz of activity everywhere you go… There’s the constant anticipation of which celebrity is going to walk in next. “Hey, there’s Ronnie Brown! Hey there’s Michael Wilbon! Hey… There’s free Cold Stone Creamery ice cream!”
That’s right… The state of Arizona has a booth set up at the back of radio row, and all day long all they do is give away ice cream from Cold Stone Creamery. (Apparently. Cold Stone is based in Arizona, and this is their way of getting people excited to go to next year’s radio row in Arizona. I’m in. Where do I sign up?)
If you’re a star f**ker, like me, then you’d get a kick out of radio row too. There is no celebrity too small or too unimportant that still doesn’t make me a little excited to see them. Bob Ryan walking down radio row… I’m staring at him. Jim Rome walking around radio row… I’m asking for a picture. Bill Simmons walking around radio row… I’m stalking him. It’s just the way I am. There’s an excitement that I like being part of. It would be a dream of mine one day to walk around radio row and have people recognize ME. That would be great. “Hey, Hoch, I’m a producer for a small AM station in Ohio. We’d love to have you stop by our broadcast and sing the Hanky Chokey. We’re big fans of yours.” Ahhhhhh. We can all dream, can’t we.
This is going to be a fun week on radio row, and I’m not going to let Dan LeBatard suck the fun out of it for me. Just walking around seeing the flowing Superbowl banners… the TV lights for NFL Network… It’s fun. And as a Bears fan, it’s all just a little bit more exciting for me, because that beautiful Bears logo is plastered everywhere you look.
Radio row is a positive experience, but there are some low moments. You can’t help feel a little sad walking by WQAM’s booth and seeing the aging dinosaurs of radio try to hold it together for one more broadcast. Hank meanders around radio row a little confused. (I think he might think he’s at Pompano Park, and he’s looking for a ticket window.)
But for the rest of us… Radio row is fun… exhilarating… even enjoyable. Thank you Superbowl Host Committee for putting together a great experience!!! (Anyone got two tickets to the game.)
January 30th, 2007
Our town is about to become the epicenter of attention over the next week and change. Everyone from around the world is migrating to the MIA for a full week of partying, pimpin’, some more partying, playmates and a little pigskin. There’s going to be buses full of women just lining the streets of South Beach from all over the world. All of the greatest and most popular athletes are going to be riding in stretch limo Hummers and the world is going to be keened in on everything that’s going down. I’m extremely luck enough to be going to media row again this year and I am pumped beyond belief because I get the opportunity to talk with almost all of my favorite athletes. The smorgasbord that is media row can be a little crazy but it’s a lot of fun because you get the chance to speak with people that you wouldn’t normally see. For example, two years ago I got a chance to meet Jim Rome. Now by this time I have already heard Caliendo impersonate him and I can’t get that thought out of my head. Rome was nice enough, but I swear I couldn’t help but laugh once he walked away. The guy’s like 5-foot-2, you know Tom Cruise height, and had 2 security guards that looked like Cheeseburger Eddie from “The Longest Yard”. Why does Jim Rome need a security guard? Do you think he gets hate mail sent to him like he’s the President? Maybe he’s got a crazy stalker like Malkovich from “In the Line of Fire”. Which reminds me, I think back to that movie and I’ve always been extremely impressed by how he was able to sneak his handmade gun through Secret Service security. I’m not trying to give anyone any ideas, I just always remember that part from the film – oh yeah and Eastwood looking 1000 years old trying to run alongside a limo. >From Chris Rock to Deion Sanders to Chris Berman, Super Bowl week brings in all the big names and I’m excited to see what wasted celebrity makes a complete ass of himself in public (I’m looking at you Salisbury). Today I want to ask you who is the one celebrity athlete or entertainer that you would want to meet during Super Bowl week? For me this year I’m really hoping that I can talk with Jerome Bettis, Jeremy Piven and Diddy. The upcoming week is a lot of fun and I hope that everyone gets a chance to head out to some of the killer parties that will be taking place. If you want to go celebrity watching then just get tickets to Thursday Night’s TNT game between the Cavs & the Heat. It may get so rowdy that LeBron, Shaq and Wade may be giving high-fives to Diddy, T.O and everyone else sitting courtside that night.
I promised everyone last week that I would also spend some of my time here each week discussing ‘24’. I thought this past week was a bit slow and a step back from the intense pace that the 4-hour premiere showcased. Why did CTU let go of Assad after only talking with him in private for a few minutes? Did they really get all the information that they needed from him in less than an hour? Also, where is he going to go? California just got nuked and the state’s in complete chaos and CTU is going to just let a former terrorist walk alone amongst the anarchy? I highly doubt that, though as we’ve discussed before you have to throw logic and reason out the door while watching ‘24’. We’ve got terrorists trying to locate their 4 other nukes as they calmly drive through the chaos of Granada Hills and then there’s Jack. Already this season he’s been tortured, bit a man’s neck off and killed his good friend all while watching a Nuke get dropped on Cali. Now add on top of that more drama with his crazy family and you’ve got the makings of a fantastic season. I love how the writers tied in the puppet-master from last season and made him Jack’s brother. But why does Jack’s brother hate him so much that he framed him for Palmer’s assassination last year as well as sending to the Chinese for 18 months. Do you think that Jack slept with his brother’s wife? The ladies love Jack Bauer so I’d assume so. Will this family angle end up being a sign that the writers are getting lazy and running out of ideas or is it a unique way of connecting all the dots throughout all the previous seasons? I’m very interested in what’s going to happen to Jack and his family. Does he have the marbles to actually suffocate his brother? Would he pull the trigger if he knew what he was brother was capable of? Let me know what you think of the season so far. I’d love to get a discussion rolling on this and any other shows that you guys want to talk about.
Everyone have a great weekend and I hope to see you out on Miami Beach this week enjoying the NFL Super Bowl Experience and watch out for a drunk, gun-loving Tank Johnson.
January 26th, 2007
Rex Grossman is… IN THE SUPERBOWL. That’s right. Discussion over. I don’t want to hear about how “the Bears can’t win in the playoffs with Rex…” I don’t want to hear about how a quarterback like Rex Grossman can cost you a shot at the Superbowl. I’m tired about hearing how everyone would rather have Jeff Garcia, Tony Romo, Joey Harrington, JP Losman, and every other quarterback in the NFL instead of Rex. Because those quarterbacks are going to be watching the Superbowl; Rex is going to be playing in it.
This is the Bears first trip back to the Superbowl in 21 years, and Rex was the quarterback the entire season. Even if you don’t want to give him credit, you certainly can’t say that he hurt them. He hurt them so much, he only got them to the Superbowl. In the playoffs, when the Bears needed a big drive, he delivered. He had only one interception in both playoff games- and that interception was the receivers fault. He delivered a few big passes to Bernard Berrian when needed… and guided the offense to 24 points and 39 points, respectively. I’m done hearing the Rex Grossman haters.
Without question, Rex Grossman had some bad games this year. But he had some great games too. And he had some average games. And put all that together, and you’ve got a trip to the Superbowl. Tell me how Brian Greise (or ANY quarterback) could have done better. Rex guided the Bears to the Division Title. Rex guided the Bears to the best record in football. Rex guided the Bears to their first playoff win in over 10 years. Rex guided the Bears to the Superbowl. What more could you ask out of your quarterback?
Congratulations Rex Grossman. Congratulations Chicago Bears. And congratulations to all of us Chicago Bears fans. One more win, Rex. Just one more win.
January 22nd, 2007
I’m having a hard time this week determining what to blog about. I feel that as a station we’ve beaten the whole Nick Saban is douche topic to death. We’ve been flooded with heated phone calls, hysterical songs, pictures and emails over the last few weeks and we’ve had countless analysts, players and others give their thoughts on Osaban Bin Lyin. In fact I developed an acute case of carpal tunnel just answering phones and responding to emails. Saban’s a jackal who broke his owner’s heart and stabbed a loyal fan base in the neck. Great, so now that we’ve established that can we move on to something else? Ok since I don’t want to rant about that anymore what else is there…..hmmmmm….let me think for a second….oh wait there it is, who’s going to replace Saban. How do I say this nicely…BORING! Nothing puts me to sleep quicker than listening to fans argue back and forth about which washed up coach or up-and-coming assistant is best qualified.
Here’s a newsflash for all of you – COACHES DON’T WIN GAMES! When was the last time you saw Jim Mora Jr. sack a QB or witnessed the gazelle that is Chan Gailey race down the sidelines and catch a 60 yard TD? I’m going to say never you know why…because they don’t play! Coaches can help you prepare for games, they can make you watch film and run sprints but they can’t stop Chris Chambers from dropping passes and they can’t block Dwight Freeney off the line. It doesn’t matter if it’s Cam Cameron, Kirk Cameron or Cameron Dollar. By the way what ever happened to Kirk Cameron? The guy went from being one of the biggest TV stars of the 80’s to an evangelist minister, how the hell does that happen! Instead of doing a Mike Seaver spin-off he’s spent the last 15 years making films about the Rapture. At least he married the girl that played Kate so I’ll give him props for that. My point is that it doesn’t make a difference who the coach is next year if the Dolphins don’t have a healthy QB to throw the ball and a play making wide receiver that can actually get separation. Go ahead and waste your time debating if Chan Gailey can succeed in the NFL after failing in Dallas or if Mike Shula is only being interviewed because of who is dad is (Which you know is true). Meanwhile as you’re wasting your time doing that I’ll be hanging out in the war room focusing on whether this team has the balls to trade a Randy McMichael or a Chris Chambers just to move up a few spots in the draft so they can get Dwayne Jarrett or Calvin Johnson.
As I’m writing this I have to tell you that I’m really fascinated with the behind the scene stories of Growing Pains. I went to Wikipedia (one the 10 most important sites on the web) to get information for my joke about Kirk Cameron and realized that there’s some good juice from that show. I never realized that Kirk had the girl that played Julie fired because he’s a religious nut and she posed nude in Playboy (SWEET!). >From Tracy Gold’s eating disorders to Kirk’s religious tirades and boycotting of scripts this show provided more behind the scenes drama than 24. Speaking of 24, now that Jack is back to killing terrorists and pulling a Hannibal, I’m going to start devoting a portion of my blog to discussing the insanity that is 24 so feel free to express your thoughts in the coming weeks about the best show on TV. Does this have anything to do with the Miami Dolphins? Not really. Is my PD Gigantour likely to be annoyed that I spent half my blog talking about a TV show featuring a family named after a 300 game winner? Yeah I guess so. But does any of this matter as long as I can end my blog with this cheesy statement: I hope the Dolphins make a decision soon on who there next head coach is going to be so our beloved heart broken owner Wayne Huizenga will “show me that smile again.”
January 18th, 2007
I’m starting to think that there’s nothing Rex Grossman can do at this point to get people off his back. I’m from Chicago… I’m a Bears fan… and I’ve supported Rex Grossman all season long. I never once have said (or thought) that Brian Greise should be playing instead. But I’ve been fighting an uphill battle. (It’s really hard to defend a quarterback coming off a ZERO passer rating performance.)
But, Rex Grossman led the Bears to victory over the Seahawks… and all I did after the game was field phone calls from friends and family in Chicago all saying the same thing: “Rex Grossman stinks. The Bears can’t win with him.” It’s such a ridiculous argument to me, that I actually got into a shouting match about it with my brother’s father in-law. (Like I don’t have enough problems with my own father in-law, now I’m fighting with my brothers!? What’s wrong with me?)
Rex Grossman played an EXCELLENT game on Sunday. Passed for almost 300 yards… Had only one interception, and it wasn’t his fault. (He did have a bad fumble, but name a pro quarterback that plays only PERFECT games. There are none.) Every time the Bears needed a drive or a score, Rex Grossman delivered. I felt confident the entire game with him at quarterback; and I feel confident that he can lead the Bears for the next 10 years! That’s right, I said it. Rex Grossman can quarterback the Bears for the next 10 years and I’d be thrilled!
It’s the Bears defense that has me worried- not the offense. I’m a bit scared about Reggie Bush, Drew Brees, and Deuce McAllister coming to town. But, that’s another story… another blog. Today is all about celebrating REX! You did it, Rex! You proved the doubters wrong, and you led the Bears to their first playoff victory in over 10 years. Long live Rex Grossman! Long live the Bears offense powered by Rex Grossman!
January 15th, 2007
I’ve had a week to settle down and gather my thoughts about the Nick Saban situation. And I’m still angry. Furious. No one likes to feel “bamboozled,” and that’s exactly the way that scumbag makes me feel. And then I have to watch all those poor folks in Alabama treat him as a hero and I want to puke. Wake up people! This guy is a lying scumbag that NEVER made a good decision in the two years he coached here. He was a condescending prick to everyone… and for that he’s being rewarded? I’m still furious. My hatred for Nick Saban grows stronger every day.
I don’t begrudge anyone for taking a higher paying job… for leaving a place they’re unhappy in… for taking a job they feel is in their better interest. My problem with Nick Saban is the lying. It’s the holding himself out as a man that has all the qualities of being a great leader… and then displaying the complete opposite. How can he ask a quarterback to sit in the pocket and take a big hit, when history will show that when he was under pressure he just ran? How can he ask his players and staff to be “stand up” people, when he was such a pussy he just flew out of town without explaining himself to anyone? How about giving a personal explanation to your players? You know, the ones you lectured to about being “men” and working hard under adversity? Those guys, Nick. Those guys deserved a better explanation from you, you condescending asshole. I hope you run the Alabama program into the ground.
Don Shula came on The Dan LeBatard Show and ripped Nick Saban pretty good. You have to be a GIGANTIC jackass to have Don Shula, the elder statesman of Dolphin football rip you. That guy doesn’t rip anyone. He’s as “political” and “understanding” as anyone. And he thinks Nick Saban is a punk.
Maybe I won’t feel this strongly after a few more weeks pass by. But I hope I do. It’s a great feeling to hate Nick Saban. It’s liberating! It’s fun! It’s enjoyable! In fact, I hate his entire family. I hate his meddlesome wife. I hate his kids. (Don’t know why. Just do.) Does he have a dog? I hate the dog too.
Go give your lectures, Nick, about honesty and integrity. Go teach your young men what it means to be a responsible leader. Go spew your bullshit like a late night infomercial. We here in South Florida are on to you. You’re a scummy jackass hypocrite. And one day the world will know. Go hide in Tuscaloosa for a while. It wouldn’t surprise me if one day we drag your haggardly looking body out of a spider
January 8th, 2007
So after nearly a month of debating, pondering and lying Nick Saban has finally decided to tuck his tail between his legs and hightail it back down south to the SEC, this time to the ever so friendly confines of Alabama. It’s difficult to separate my feelings when analyzing this situation because personally I think that Nick Saban is a selfish, egomaniacal clown who suffers from a Napoleon complex with trust issues. The guy is completely two-face and I have a huge issue with the way that he spoke down to the media for doing their jobs. On the other hand, I can completely understand why he left because if you’re not happy at your job then there’s no reason to stay and work there anymore. He has the freedom to make changes in his career just like everyone else but what makes him such a vile character is the way that he went about it. As a society, we have shown that we can forgive public figures for their faults as long as they don’t lie to us along the way. Part of what makes people like Nick Saban and Rafael Palmeiro so despicable in my eyes is the way that they continued to preach bold face lies while standing on their steroid inflated podium only to be proven a fraud. This is what Nick Saban has done. He lied to his players, he lied to his fan base, he lied to the media and he lied to his boss. All of this is unacceptable. Saban had many opportunities to dig himself out of this hole, but every time the media dared to ask the mighty Nicktator about the Alabama gig he went nuclear throwing temper-tantrums like a five year old.
The comical part of this whole Saban ordeal is the role that his wife played in the decision making product. Nick Saban has proven that he is more whipped that Doug Christie which I never thought was possible. He used his family as an excuse for his failure because he figured no one could criticize someone for taking care of his clan. WRONG! For a man that’s supposed to be a tough as nails coach that can make three hundred pound men cry he sure looks weak as reports continue to surface how his wife’s dislike for South Florida led to this decision. Chris Mortenson was reporting that Teri & Nick Saban are more of a partnership when it comes to making decisions. Well it’s obvious to me who wears the pants in this relationship and it’s Hillary Rodham Saban. Don’t you get the feeling that if Teri Saban was calling plays then she would have gone for it on 4th & 1 against the Jets? Also, he dumped Huizenga and his assistant coaches over speakerphone which is just pathetic causing several anonymous members of his coaching staff to calling him ‘the word that rhymes with wussy’. That’s great. Why is anyone going to respect or trust this guy in Alabama? Maybe it’s his use of the word ‘relative to’ that hypnotizes you for a while but ultimately Saban will roll tide his way out of Tuscaloosa. Saban needed to sack up and just admit that he couldn’t handle failure instead he played the family card and reestablished himself as an accordion playing fraud, who in the process made his owner look as competent as Elmer Fudd. Now ask yourself, do you really want to send your college bound kid to play for this lying snake in the grass clown? I hope not.
January 4th, 2007
Nick Saban’s second season as head coach of the Miami Dolphins has officially come to an end… and I’m still confused about him. He has done nothing in two seasons that make me say “wow!” He has done nothing in two seasons that make me think he’s going to ever become a top coach in the NFL. He came in saying all the right things and really made me believe he was going to “turn around” an organization that had gotten “messy” under Dave Wannstedt. After two years, I don’t think he’s cleaned up anything.
Wayne Huizenga has spent millions of dollars for Nick Saban. He has spent it on Saban’s salary, Saban’s assistants salaries, and the infamous practice bubble as well. He has allowed Nick Saban total control of his multi-million dollar business. And I’m a bit confused about what Huizenga is allowing Saban to do.
Nick Saban has done nothing in two years to “endear” himself to the Miami fans. Nick Saban has done nothing in two years to “endear” himself to the media that covers him. (And therefore shapes perceptions of him.) Nick Saban has done nothing in two years to foster a great relationship between the fans and his players. The two main faces of Huizenga’s multi-million dollar business, Saban and Daunte Culpepper, seem to have no connection to this city at all. And that’s a shame.
Nick Saban can run this team however he wants. But an assistant coach can’t say ONE WORD to the media? The general manager he hired two years ago has not been able to give ONE interview. His quarterback NEVER speaks to the local media about anything? How does Wayne Huizenga believe this is helping his investment? I’ve never felt further removed from the Dolphins than I have the past two years. And since they’re not winning or playing well, I often find myself rooting against Saban and the organization. (I had the opposite emotions with Wannstedt. His teams were losing too, but I was rooting for them… For him… For the team.)
I’m very interested to see what year three will bring for Nick Saban’s Miami Dolphins. (Assuming he doesn’t take the Alabama job, and is actually here.) Is there any chance two years of losing will “soften” the Nick-Tator and he’ll become more fan and media friendly? It’s going to be interesting to see how this plays out, because my gut instinct tells me Nick Saban and his cold war era style of management don’t have much time left in Miami.
January 2nd, 2007
